The Difference 30 Pounds Makes

Losing 30 pounds with intuitive eating and running | THE REAL LIFE Blog | fitness, exercise, health, running, half marathon, working out, healthy eating, intuitive eating

A DIFFERENT PERSON

This is a tough post to write. Vulnerability at its finest.

I want to revisit the me 30+ pounds ago, reflect upon how different I’ve become, and remember why the weight loss means more to me than just a pretty picture.

Highlands half

THE PHYSICAL DIFFERENCE

Being 30 pounds lighter is… just that. Lighter. Running is easier. Getting back into running was a lot faster, as I’d gotten on and off the running bandwagon plenty of times and can attest to the difference those extra pounds make on my knees, lungs, and overall energy level. Because those pounds weren’t present, my fitness level skyrocketed in a short amount of time.

Al's pizza

It’s also been a huge money-saver. I was eating out (usually some form of fast-ish food) almost every day. I was also eating more often. Now, I prep and pack most of my meals (mostly lunches and dinners). I eat about every 2-3 hours. I eat A LOT. And it’s still far, far less expensive! The idea that healthy food is costly is a ridiculous myth.

Screen Shot 2016-07-06 at 2.40.23 PM

Thirty pounds (and counting) ago, I kept noticing favorite items getting tighter, and had to slowly add bigger items to my wardrobe. When I started healthily maintaining my lighter frame, I realized I could dig back into the closet where the smaller clothes hid and start wearing them again. Basically, I was shopping in my own closet!

Saturday bathing suit

I used to feel crawling-out-of-my-skin uncomfortable. I’d avoid going to social events or even the gym because of how self-conscious I felt. My mental image of who I truly was and the image in the mirror were alarmingly different. I still struggle with feeling comfortable in my skin, but I feel much more at ease in my body: on stage, running, in a bathing suit. It’s even gotten me experimenting with clothes I had always told myself I couldn’t wear or pull off.

Zara romper from Stitch Fix! THE REAL LIFE fashion, clothing, style, outfits, summer attire, halter top, romper

I used to hit a mental fog at work multiple times a day, usually after lunch (food coma) and then the minute I got home. I couldn’t do anything productive after work. That’s a laugh now! Somehow I get through a full week’s work and still have enough energy for another 25 hours of musical theater, which requires a TON of dancing and time on my feet. And we haven’t even mentioned training for a half marathon. While I am perpetually exhausted these days, I think I might’ve completely died if I attempted this lifestyle with my previous unhealthy habits.

Screen Shot 2016-07-06 at 2.40.58 PM

THE MENTAL DIFFERENCE

The physical differences have been a lot of fun to notice. But what’s the most meaningful is the mental shift.

I’ve struggled with body image issues my whole life—not feeling pretty or thin enough, and judging my worth as a human being by the appearance of my body.

It’s something we all learn one way or another, unfortunately—especially females. And as children, we unconsciously subscribe to these ideas without really pausing for thought. I should look like this and I’m not of much value if I’m heavy.

Gray tank from Gap, skinny jeans from Gap, DSW black booties | THE REAL LIFE | Outfits of the Week series, clothing, style, fashion, thrifty, dresses, casual office attire, running

It manifested itself in (and, perhaps, because of) my perfectionism and caused on-and-off disordered eating for most of my pre-teen, teenage, and adult life. Self-worth went up when weight went down, and vice versa.

And when weight went up, so did self-punishment. Ironically, punishing myself for being fat BY being fat: pretending food was pleasurable but also using it as a way to further hate myself. It’s a vicious addition to self-hate. Can I get an amen?

Diets, starvation, running just to lose weight—honestly, all of it backfired. It was all done out of a desperation to be good enough. And it is my strong belief that when we do so, we end up finding ways to be even less enough. It’s the way the addiction survives.

1939514_944952855517536_5871065816101325388_o

The only way out was with what I did. Yes, I went through a seriously stressful time that caused most of the weight to fall off (read about that here). But when I finally regained my composure, I realized that this was my opportunity to keep the weight off—since I had been a professional at gaining weight back.

I realized that weight and body image issues are not action-based. It’s not just a “Oh, she just needs to eat less and workout more” situation. It’s energy-based. It’s founded in the thoughts you think about yourself, about self-worth, and about food and exercise.

I started choosing thoughts that felt good, which is how I knew they were true.

  • I trust myself around food and to make the best food choices in the moments, as they come.
  • Just because I made what I might deem a not-so-great food choice, doesn’t mean the next one can’t be great.
  • Food is meant to be enjoyed, delicious, pleasurable! It isn’t meant to be a chore (just “fuel”), nor a punishment.
  • I’m going to make a list of things I love about myself—things that don’t change no matter what I weigh.

This slowly morphed into what I now know is Intuitive Eating. It also helped my all-or-nothing brain start to see things on a spectrum instead of one end of the pole or the other. I started realizing that you can’t get it right and you never get it done. That taking care of your body is a lifelong commitment, not just one you “complete” and then move on to some other task.

135895-1888-002h

This state of fluidity has been liberating. I can’t figure out if I’m going to be 30 pounds less my whole life. I can’t worry about gaining it back or never gaining more muscle definition or new strides in my workouts. All I can worry about is what I’m doing today, this hour, this minute. The freedom and the power that this gives me is incredible.

HAVE YOU STRUGGLED WITH BODY IMAGE?

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

26 thoughts on “The Difference 30 Pounds Makes

  1. Lise says:

    Success stories are always great to read, its good that you’re happy with yourself! I struggle with a poor self image but im slowly getting through it, hoping to get there sometime soon too!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mom, Miles, and Mishaps says:

    Thank you for this post!! I still at 44 struggle with my body image! I am trying to fight the demon in my head (which is all self imposed) that tells me “I’m fat!” Or “I’m not as thin as my Mom or my sister” (which they are both thin and look FABULOUS,btw!!).

    It is a constant struggle but a struggle that I am willing to be in and fight daily!

    Not to long ago I had a rude awakening about how my negative comments were affecting my children, specifically my youngest son. He didn’t want to eat something one time because he didn’t want to get fat. THAT WAS ALL ME! I put that out in the universe as a comment to myself and let that seap into his vocabulary! Mother of the Year…right here!!!

    Thank you for you open and honest post!! ❤️❤️

    Like

  3. notlizzi says:

    So inspiring ❤️ I struggle with my body everyday. I don’t want to be in photos and I’m embarrassed to see old friends as I’ve piled on the pounds in the last couple of years.
    With my year off to travel I’m slowly trying to make peace with my body as constantly disliking myself isn’t how I want to live. Healthier choices and a healthier attitude.
    A really great post and it’s so good to see your success story! ☺

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s